Oh my God! It's been forever since my last update! Whats the matter with me? This is not the normal me. I do have a good excuse for being so late with this one though. I totally flew to New York to bang a Jew. I know this contradicts a lot of what I have said in past, but whatever. I'm bringing the sass back.
I was considering having my bestie guest blog for me while I was away, but I had a feeling she would blog about how much of a fat monster I was before I became a bulimic gymrat so I didn't mention anything to her. That doesn't mean you shouldn't totes check out her blog though! She's a sassy one.
So now that I am back I'd like to take this time to discuss a few things that have been on my mind.
1. If I asked a few hundred people across the US to vote for this blog as the best in my city, could I rightfully say my city voted me in?
2. If I harass a celebrity enough will they sue me or befriend me?
3. If I bang all the guys at the gym, they would probably know me as t he girl who's banged them all, so then no particular one could be like, "Oh shes mine," right?
4. Is there an app similar to Foursquare but for banging guys?
5. How long until I get fired for blogging at my new job?
These are the kind of things I think about all day. What's wrong with me?
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
This Is Not A Hate Blog
Just wanna clear some rumors my lovers have started. This is NOT a hate blog. Hate is something Nazis did. I am not the saSSy oat. This is a parody blog. If you can take your trainers dick you can take a joke. I mean I'm just being sassy. You should be supporting me like the way all the other oats support other mindless dribble.
Anyway I totes made up this awesome recipe this weekend. I basically replaced the cereal in Rice Krispies treats with bird food and I'm calling it my own. They're delish. Just follow the recipe on the back of the cereal box but use the same amount of birdseed instead. You won't regret it!
Love,
The Oat
Anyway I totes made up this awesome recipe this weekend. I basically replaced the cereal in Rice Krispies treats with bird food and I'm calling it my own. They're delish. Just follow the recipe on the back of the cereal box but use the same amount of birdseed instead. You won't regret it!
Love,
The Oat
Sunday, March 13, 2011
What __________ Like
That's supposed to be a blank in case you're dumb and can't tell.
1. Bloggers like attention.
2. Southern girls like Jew dick.
3. Filipinos like to eat dog.
4. I like being sassy
5. Everyone likes this blog.
1. Bloggers like attention.
2. Southern girls like Jew dick.
3. Filipinos like to eat dog.
4. I like being sassy
5. Everyone likes this blog.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Woops!
On a totally side related note from my last entry, I have a quick question. This is something I have been wondering for a while now, and I figured I'd ask you guys because that's what blogs are for nowadays, right?
Okay so the question is can one justifiably call themselves a hot mess? This seems a little bit pretentious to me. Perhaps conceited.
I am talking about your run-of-the-mill girl. The one that looks ten years older than she should and has friends that look even older.
Please comment.
Okay so the question is can one justifiably call themselves a hot mess? This seems a little bit pretentious to me. Perhaps conceited.
I am talking about your run-of-the-mill girl. The one that looks ten years older than she should and has friends that look even older.
Please comment.
Logical Conclusions
Hello, my friends. As I sit down to my dinner of birdseed and protein powder, I thought I'd make a quick post. It seems there are one too many people in this world that can not understand simple logic. Actually, I take that back. Using the word "world" is a bit too broad. The people I am referring to are mainly bloggers. To go even further than that, Southern bloggers. Who would have thought those people had the ability to read and write, or even an internet connection at that?
Well, as I was saying, these people lack a general understanding of logic. For instance, in the world outside of the South, when people loose their job they usually try to find another one right away because unemployment checks are not very substantial and eventually become unavailable. However, in the South people spend their government aid on designer bags and gourmet meals. I suppose they also spend it on drugs and alcohol. Those Southern people love their drugs and alcohol.
This next one is not necessarily Southern typical, but it is pretty dumb. The idea that one could move to another region of the country or world after learning their language at a younger age is probably the most asinine thing I have ever heard of. When we are young we are taught the language we speak. We learn to pronounce these words based upon where we live. These pronunciations stick with us for the rest of our life given we don't have stroke. Someone with a Latin accent will not move to England and develop an English accent. It's fucking retarded.
This next one is the last one, and it kind of pains me to think about it because it is so retarded. This is actually where the title of this entry originally came from. Say for instance your walking through the mall and you come across one of those Proactive vending machines (the ones that have been in existence in quite a few states for quite a few years now, but the South is just getting because they are so behind in this world). You know the ones . . . . If you saw that, what would you think is coming next? I would assume people with clearer skin is coming next. Not anything else. Especially not people in vending machines. That's just silly.
That's about it for today, sassy ones. Sorry about the tone of this update. I know its not very sassy, but I just had to get this off my shoulders. I have the day off tomorrow so I think I'll post something more sassified then.
As always, stay sassy my oats,
The Oat
Well, as I was saying, these people lack a general understanding of logic. For instance, in the world outside of the South, when people loose their job they usually try to find another one right away because unemployment checks are not very substantial and eventually become unavailable. However, in the South people spend their government aid on designer bags and gourmet meals. I suppose they also spend it on drugs and alcohol. Those Southern people love their drugs and alcohol.
This next one is not necessarily Southern typical, but it is pretty dumb. The idea that one could move to another region of the country or world after learning their language at a younger age is probably the most asinine thing I have ever heard of. When we are young we are taught the language we speak. We learn to pronounce these words based upon where we live. These pronunciations stick with us for the rest of our life given we don't have stroke. Someone with a Latin accent will not move to England and develop an English accent. It's fucking retarded.
This next one is the last one, and it kind of pains me to think about it because it is so retarded. This is actually where the title of this entry originally came from. Say for instance your walking through the mall and you come across one of those Proactive vending machines (the ones that have been in existence in quite a few states for quite a few years now, but the South is just getting because they are so behind in this world). You know the ones . . . . If you saw that, what would you think is coming next? I would assume people with clearer skin is coming next. Not anything else. Especially not people in vending machines. That's just silly.
That's about it for today, sassy ones. Sorry about the tone of this update. I know its not very sassy, but I just had to get this off my shoulders. I have the day off tomorrow so I think I'll post something more sassified then.
As always, stay sassy my oats,
The Oat
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