I Am Your Sassiest Friend

Before going to the strip club this weekend I jokingly sent my friends this message.

"Let's go get chlamydia."

Responses:
"Yeah, but it'll be worth it."
"I hope you get Gonorrhea."

What I did not realize is that this message was an omen for the evening. Fast forward several hours later to when theres a stripper jamming her fingers into her cunt then into my mouth. The taste was so familiar. I knew I had chlamydia. When I woke up in the morning I pissed fire.

I went to go see my doctor in urgent care almost immediately. He prescribed some antibiotics and spared him the details of what had been in my mouth the previous evening. I get the feeling he wouldn't understand. Doctors are sooooo not sassy.

I have to take these pills twice a day for 5 days then return for a follow up.

I'll keep you guys updated on the latest until then.

Love, The Oat

Off Topic

I understand some people are just trying to be sassy, but seriously if your blog is about dogs, keep it about dogs. If your blog is about shoes, keep it about shoes . . . . No one gives a flying fuck about what's in your purse regardless of how sassy it is. No one gives a shit about your fake accent. Seriously, no one gives a shit. Just stop.

Before you even say it I'm going to stop you. I don't have a general topic to stick to. Therefore, I can blog about whatever the fuck I please just as long as I stay sassy whilst doing so.

Stay sassy my friends.

Love, The Oat

Can You Guess What My Favorite Tree Is?

Lately I've noticed that all bloggers do is ask their "friends"questions rather than posting original content. I did not invent blogging, I just made it sassy, but I'm pretty sure blogs used to be for news and diary type shit.

Anyway, if you guessed sassafras, you guessed correctly. Get it? Cause it's sassy (I'm a loser).

Let's move on. Today is Martin Luther King day. How fucking sassy was that guy, right? America was all "Fuck you, coon. Segregation owns," and he was all, "Whatever, I do what I want."

Some call it civil disobedience. I call it being sassy as fuck.

Happy MLK Day!

Love, The Oat.

AFC Divisional Playoff

The only thing I truly care about today is the Steelers Ravens game. Oh, and oats.

Go Steelers!!!!!!!!!!!!

Black and yellow.  Black and yellow.  Black and yellow.  Black and yellow.